Understanding
Compassion and Sacrifice

bashi March 2005

I would like to state that out-of-balance "high sensitivity" and sensitivity in general stems from many sources and not everyone resonating with (some of) the symptomsis going to relate to this essay. The different modes of reference that categorise people generally agree that a group exists that is more vulnerable to "coping" with the normal experiences of life. They tend to be labelled "too sensitive". In extreme cases, often dependent on their earlier life experiences they can become battered partners either male or female however just as debilitating in the ability to enjoy life, are the givers and carers for others, albeit family, friends or people in general. They will often find others and even complete strangers cornering them and pouring out their problems.

In these types of Beings, a pattern of what could be called selfless-giving emerges; in other words they will sacrifice themselves rather than not accommodate the other person. I am not just referring to what is commonly called co-dependence, which is broadly described as people hailing from and/or living with people with substance additions; the main symptom there being the need to control the other person. That is not to say that someone who has been labelled co-dependent does not fit into this category because often they do and I did!

Taking a mixed group of sensitive people, many will appear to learn and move on much quicker than others. However, some will find it impossible to make the necessary changes in their lives because of their strong resistance to doing anything that will "hurt" or in their eyes offend the other person. The primary responses, see"primary stance", is often also linked to a deep rooted sense and metaphysical ability to be aware of the highest potential of the other person. If this other person is a partner, parent or family member(s) that they love or even just feel responsible for, they will sacrifice their life(force) rather than stop/change their behaviour or leave the other person. The truth is that in most cases, the other person would start to deteriorate if the "partner/carer" changed or left.This is where Compassion becomes Sacrifice.

This paper seeks to open us to understanding why we might behave in ways that do not serve our highest good. Primarily we have gone against our intuitive guidance and listened "outside" of ourselves for instructions on what to believe and how to behave. In a five sensory world it all makes perfect sense but even when it doesn't feel right to us, we will try and adopt the norm as truth, just to fit in, be accepted or keep the peace. At this stage people will often be manipulated by others using guilt tactics, the controlling person whilst not understanding "sensitivity" knows how to use it in others but to their advantage.

We start to close down our intuitive feelings and what we can call "knowing" or the "heart voice" as we listen to instructions from the head. Our heart always knows the Truth of the matter and it will try and guide us to take that path; our head will have assimilated what other people have told us is the right way to behave and often those ways appear to be in accordance with religious beliefs and spiritual laws. Here lies the quandary; it is important to make clear when I refer to the heart and head, I am not talking about Ego. In the "schools of thought" that teach Ego is here to trip us up, Ego loves separation etc; I rarely meet clients who will be helped or have need to dismantle the Ego.

Often now having been convinced that they have no personal requirements the sensitive Being has lost all sense of Self. They become more tired to the point of exhaustion and powerless in every aspect of their lives.

Convinced there is something wrong with them they work from the moral concept that we must be compassionate to others and it is their fault for not being able to cope. They continue with the teaching "that we cannot change anyone but ourselves" and apply this diligently to themselves. This continues into being non-judgmental, practicing forgiveness and taking responsibility for other people's failings. It can also include understanding "Acceptance" which relies on us changing the "inside" and our "response" to the situation hence the situation itself can remain the same.

Number one is, "we are only responsible for ourselves" and Number two could be "Love thy neighbour as thy self.... but not instead of ourselves!"Abuse is abuse, whether it is emotional or physical and it is not acceptable. If for whatever reason someone needs to change their lives which may well change the current situation they must make that choice. I purposely did not say "be allowed to make that choice" because "they" must take responsibility for their own life and not wait for "permission" from the other(s); it may never come. This is where we compromise ourselves, we look for reasons why we cannot do it and convince ourselves that for the children, partner, mother, father, finances we can not do it ... this is where truly a Spiritual journey gets tough but free will exists; we have a choice; we Surrender or we Suffer.

Simplistically speaking, society teaches rules that maintain the status quo; everyone should live under those rules or they get ousted out. When someone wants to take back their power, live their own life and fulfil their own dreams and it doesn't fit in with the "group" idea albeit partners, family, friends, society then with whatever tools are necessary are engaged in controlling that person. For a sensitive person who has probably already sacrificed years of their life it is usually "guilt and shame" that is used.

If you are a six sensory Being that has been living in/with a five sensory family, then you have completed your work. If you are tired, exhausted and depressed, that is intuitive guidance through your emotions saying move on, change your life. Highly sensitive Beings more often incarnate to show an "ancestral family line" another way of being and having done that, your job is completed. There is no failure involved if they haven't as yet changed; your part is complete. That was your "purpose" your gift to the progress of humanity; it was about being love, not love as in conditional love but just "Being" and radiating the possibility for others to emulate. A word of caution, don't wait for others to thank you, love you, approve of and/or accept you - more often they will not! Their experience of your light will aggravate their complacency and their responses from criticism, judgement and disinterest to physical or emotional abuse are their automatic reactions to anything challenging their resistance to change.

However the very qualities that enable a person to fulfil that task are the qualities that hinder their further progress on their own life path. The completion of Purpose leads us to entering our Karma and for sensitive Beings it lies in the lower chakras. Interestingly the very difficulties we have suffered in completing our Purpose are the basis of turning those "challenges" into productive growth. It is exactly how an enlightened master can grow on his student's karma - I remember once a master saying to me (sadly!) "I could give you everything I have and you would lose it almost immediately and yet I could take from you all your karma and I would grow". I did not particularly understand the significance at the time, now I do .. He had no fear of my karma but I would try and grasp and hold on to what he offered me and in doing so I would lose it.

Before we can move into this exciting time of growth we must be prepared to "let go" and make changes that others will judge us for. Most importantly having made the changes we have to become "detached" and resist any need to "justify" our actions to others. In justification we lose our power to the other who then regains energetic control over us reducing us to the persecuted victim role.

You have such a gift as a sensitive person of intuitively knowing if some thing is right or not. You should be in a position that having made your decision, that to everyone else might appear wrong or irrational but to you it FEELS so right .. from now on honour and go with it!

The Three levels of Understanding Sacrifice and Compassion

• Part One the first level is how Compassion and Sacrifice are seen through the eyes of the 5th dimensional world or what I could call the prevailing culture.
  "Compassion is considered weak and Sacrifice is expected".
• Part Two the second level is working from a Spiritual perspective and how with more understanding or a shift in awareness we can let go and move on.
  "Learning to say "No" is Loving Yourself."
• Part three the third level is being able to embrace possibilities far outside the previous two view points and whilst not knowing or having the mental capacity through human process being prepared to be open to all possibilities.
  "Surrender is Everything & Detachment is Compassion".

In the words of Mother Teresa

If you are kind, people may accuse you
Of selfish, ulterior motives;
Be kind anyway.

If you are successful,
You will win some false friends
And some true enemies;
Succeed anyway.

If you are honest and frank
People may cheat you;
Be honest and frank anyway

What you spend years building,
Someone could destroy overnight;
Build anyway

If you find serenity and happiness
They may be jealous;
Be happy anyway

The good you do today,
People will often forget tomorrow;
Do good anyway.

Give the world the best you have
And it may never be enough;
Give the world the best you have anyway.

You see, in the final analysis,
It is between you and God;
It was never between you and them anyway.

Or in the words of Rumi

My heart is burning with love
All can see this flame
My heart is pulsing with passion
Like waves from an ocean
My friends have become strangers and I am surrounded by enemies
But I am free as the wind
No longer hurt by those who reproach me
I am at home, wherever I am
And in the room of lovers I can see with closed eyes, the beauty that dances
Behind the veils, intoxicated with love, I too, dance the rhythm of this moving world;
I have lost my senses in my world of lovers.

& in conclusion Luke 12:49-59

Do you think I have come to give peace on earth? No, I tell you, but rather division; for hence forth in one house there will be five divided, three against two and two against three; they will be divided, father against son and son against father, mother against daughter and daughter against her mother, mother in law against her daughter in law and daughter in law against her mother in law.